Sanitize (part 2)

He stood up and moved away from me, he cocked his head slightly down and to the side, “No, I am not.”

My head went dizzy, my body weak. Bossat re-approached me cautiously and tapped the underside of my chin, “breathe Nadine, breathe. Nobody or anything is using magic on you. You just need to breathe.”

I exhaled the breath I was holding, then inhaled. I repeated the steps. When I felt steady I looked around. Everything was still picture perfect. No rot or decay, nor any lakes of acid in sight. If there was he is doing a great job keeping it hidden. Which means he’s a strong one, I wonder if Buerkarr can still reach me from here?

“No need to call Buerkarr,” Bossat squatted, “I have no intention of hurting you.”

Good to know he is still afraid of Buerkarr. “So aren’t you going to finish fill me in. Where am I? Who or better yet which one are you? Is your name really Bossat.”

“Which one am I? I don’t know. As for who, not yet decided. Bossat is the name of a none believer so it won’t effect me. As for where, wherever you decide this is. I pulled this place from your head after all. By the way I am not afraid of Buerkarr hurting me as I am afraid what they will make me do. Lastly how did you gain a connection to Buerkarr.”

He inched closer to me. My hear rate speeded up. I hold up my arm to stop him from getting closer.

“Nah uh, I am the one asking questions here. What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I meeeeean, today is my birthday. My literal birth day. Nothing have been officially decided yet.”

I gave him an arched brow. When I don’t respond further he took an exasperated sigh.

“Look just don’t freak out.”

“I hold the right to decided that after I have been told the whole truth.”

He nod and took three impossibly giant steps back. He took in a breath closed his eyes and ….

Ho-ly-Shit!

His face and neck stayed the same, but his body, his body is… Damn. Crap! What, no who did I get myself entangled with.

“What are you doing here?! Your supposed to appear at the alter. You can’t stay here, hundreds no thousands of people need you.”

“I know where I am suppose to be, hence why I don’t want you calling Buerkarr. Also need me? Want me sure, but they don’t need me any more than they needed the other twenty thousand god.”

Twenty thousand? I may not a devotee like my parents but even I know there are only about two hundred gods.

“Prankster spirits,” Bossat said what seem to came out of nowhere.

“What?”

“Where do you think prankster spirits come from?”

“I—'“ again holy shit, I don’t know. None of the teachings says where, as a matter of fact they say nothing of there existence at all.

“That’s because the ones called prankster spirits were once gods.”

“Wha—” he is lying, pulling my leg right, “Ha. Ha ha, very funny.”

He raised his eyebrows, “being called a prankster spirit is no joke,” his voice was stern. He got down on his, what I am calling, knee and leaned forward. “A god is great, powerful, praised, worshiped in the beginning, possibly overly so. But then the demands come in. The ‘I wants’, the ‘make me’, the ‘please make’, ect and the praising lessens. And when those prayers even lessen even more. Your a god, you should make anything and everything possible right, you should have all the answers.”

“Shouldn’t you?” I asked even though it feels like know the answer.

“If that was true there shouldn’t be twenty- I’m sorry two hundred gods running around meeting demands.”

True.

“But when that ‘god’ don’t have the answers or do as they will, they are not really a god. There a ‘spirits’ camouflaging as a god. They are prankster spirits. They are evil. That is want, your kind label us…. Some of them just take in that energy and actually transform that energy. But others resist, still trying to answer prayers despite their name being long forgotten and their deeds end up as credit to one of the still know gods. And I refused to let others words transform me because I fail to live up to their expectation. but I also refused to bend backwards for someone to acknowledge my existence.”

The weight of these conversation sunken deep into the air and was forcing me into the ground. I wanted to deny everything or tell him something that will get him motivated to go but I couldn’t do either.

“I don’t want to be a ‘deity’,” his body transformed bak into a human, “but we don’t get to choose how we come into existence.”

I didn’t know what to say so I just sat looking at him. His youthful face seemed like it aged fifty years though I knew it couldn’t. It still made my heart drop then rise up my through suffocating the air out of me. It had to be a lie but a core part of me knew it was true.

“Why would Buerkarr and the other banish and kill the trickster spirits if they in the end are one and the same.”

Boasst turned and looked me straight in the eye, “you mean the same way I just ‘banish and killed’ them.”

My soul cracked. I fell in a sea of hot and cold water making my senses both numb and overly sensitive. I don’t know how I should feel but I do know I don’t want to. A light tap on my arm broke me out of my spiral. I looked into Boasst’s eyes. It no longer dance with mischief instead it was laced with sympathy.

“Now that I answered your questions, can you answer one of mine?” he asked pointing to my arm with my birthmark.

I took a deep breath and released an exhausted sigh, “I don’t know it was something I was born with apparently. It made me ‘special’ because it was Buerkarr’s symbol, marking me as the chosen one. Boy was I. Far as back as I can remember people giving me gift but then asking for something and then I was forced to kneel in front of Buerkarr’s shrine and delivered their praise… but they never come true. And when they don’t come true, I am to blame. I am the failure, or I am greedy, or an idiot. It doesn’t matter how I pray, where I pray, or the explanations I give. The worst part, the worst part are my parents, the ones who put me on that damn pedestal to begin with. I didn’t try hard enough, I don’t believe enough, I should stop acting like a child and be serious! To a CHILD!”

By the end of my rant I was breathing hard. But it wasn’t enough anymore, I want to hit something. Pull out the grass and every pretty flower! Hw could they! How could all over them!

“Aaaaaaaaa!” I realsed my internal fustration to the void that is, everything.

I tured to look at Boasst who looked spooked. I was calmer but still angry.

“Well, say something,” not disguising my broken voice but i refused to cry.

“Uh, I definetly have to rethink my plans now.”

I tousled my hair as i took in his words and something ominous settle in my stomach.

“What do you mean rethink your plans? What was your plans?” I said each word carefully.

“I kind of, definatly wanted to do to someone, what Buerkarr did to you… make a scape~goat.”

“What.” My already crippled soul now shatters to million of pieces and then rebuild itself in a mishappen figure with its jaw left unhinged. “A. Scapgoat.”

Boasst bowed his head in shame. If it was possibel to lite a god on fire and watch their body turn to ash, then used that ash as kitty litter I would. I so would. But Boasst is not the one who should feel my fury. I lifted my wrist that had my ‘special’ mark.

“Wait!” Boasst yelled while grabbing my wrist and my other free hand, “If you touch him he will come her and find me.”

“Sorry but I can’t care right now?”

“But he know knows what you truly are, he will take away your mark!”

“Gasp, even better.”

I tried to shack him off but he hardly budge. I am about ready to bite and kick him when he blurted out.

“Ok, How about a deal?!”

“A what?!”

“A deal, you no longer want to be used by Buerkarr. And I don’t want to be used by millions of people and then threw away like some frashion style that went out of fashion aftr ten minutes.”

I took this moment to calm my heavy breathing and take everything in. The confession, the deal, to his needs, my wants, his scent and body. My eyes involuntarly closed and my body leaned closer to him.

Air! Get some air! My head shouted. I sprouted up surprising Boasst. I can’t think of him right now, my world has been tipped over and all its contents are being spelled out leaving me hallow and worthless. I had to walk away from him, and if I could I would run from everything else. Not that I would get very far as my legs moved unnaturally, something between robot and an inelegant fawn.

I took in the surrondings as i contemlate everything. The scent was still overlmng sweet but now it smeeled a bit artifical. As it should, nothing about this setting was real. It is as fake as my so-called blessing. As if some bungling plumber just purposely broke the faucet of my eyes, my tears started to poor out endlessly. At first quietly but then it turned into loud sobering cries. My legs buckled and i fell back into the still very soft grass. i sunk into it or art least I thought I did. The long grass transformed into warm arms and enbraced me. The ground felt like a firm chest. The heat it radiated comforted me as well as its steady heartbeat.

I looked into Boasst’s eyes, “what, hiccup, now hiccup? W-where, hiccup, do we hiccup, go?”

“We don’t have to leave, “ he said quickly, “I don’t know you for long, but I like seeing you happy, unguarded.”

The last part he said in a whisper but it was enough to melt my crumbled pieces and modivated me to gather myself. Not fully back together but getting there. Then he touched my hand and my whole body heated up.

“Nadine, are you okay,” he smiled as he wiped the remainder of my tears.

I shook my head as I regained myself. He pinched my cheek.

“Stop,” my voice sounded croaky as I also swatteed at his hand unseriously. But it did put a smile on my face.

He also smiled as our faces got closer.

CRACK!!!

‘